the same path

I just found this old post in my drafts from almost a year ago. I'm not sure why I never published it. It's not exactly "where" I am right now, but I remember being there. I still am some days... and I still love that path.



Five years ago, walking down the path along the reflecting pool from the Washington Monument to the Lincoln Memorial, I held my husband's hand and told him I'd move to Virginia. I could live there. We could do it. We'd prayed about it, we'd made lists of pros and cons, analyzed it to death. But right then, on that peaceful path, I knew I could do it. I wanted to move there. Even bigger, I think I truly trusted Eric to make God-led decisions for our family for the first time.

Tuesday night, we walked along that same path. This time, we had two more little people in our life. This time was not about moving there, but moving away... even though the move was months ago. I miss it. But it's mostly selfish missing. Ohio is good for those three little people and Ohio is good for us, too. Ohio is where God has planted us for this season of life.

I wouldn't mind, though, if some day I had that path in my backyard again.

my adorable little co-workers

Being a stay at home mom is pretty much the only job I can think of where it is socially unacceptable to complain about your co-workers. I love my children a ridiculous amount. I like who they are growing to be. Having all three of my kids with me on any given afternoon warms my heart. There are even those magical days when no one spills the milk at breakfast, everyone naps simultaneously and we all sit down to a Bible story after dinner with smiles on our faces. The thing is - these adorable little co-workers are with me 24/7. And there are the other days. The days when everyone wakes up whining, naptime involves more yelling than resting and the kids are sent up to brush their teeth for bed at 6:30 because I can't listen to a minute more of the fighting. On those days, it would be nice to stand around a water cooler and vent to someone. I clearly don't love them any less on those other days. I'm just ready for bedtime a lot earlier. So I'm super thankful for my friends who are REAL moms... who I can call/text/facebook and say something without worrying even for a minute that they think I'm any less of a mom.

here and there

D'ya know how you know it's been a long time since you blogged?

1. You type someone else's URL into your browser when you think of something to post.

2. Once you finally remember what you named your blog 4 years ago (give or take), you cannot for the life of you remember which email account you had it under.

I have been thinking about posting again. Mostly boring/crazy mommy junk in my head. We'll see. I know all two of you are waiting on the edge of your seats. In the meantime, though, I continue to be slightly obsessive about free toothpaste and cheap bananas here. Just in case you're into that kind of thing.

the history i'm living

I'd like to see the Roman ruins, Egyptian pyramids, Midievel castles, and so much more before I die. Seeing history is a pretty cool thing. But what I want more than that is to be a witness to what is going on around me today and in my recent yesterdays. To see Ground Zero. To walk the broken streets of Afghanistan and Iraq. To remember what I did with my time before Facebook. To talk to people in New Orleans Lower 9th Ward. To say where I was when I watched our first African American President be sworn in. To help the victims in Haiti.

In 8th grade, I had to interview my grandmother about historical events during her lifetime. When my grandchildren and great grandchildren ask me about the history I'm living, I'd like to have an answer that I didn't read in a newspaper. We are living history everyday and I just don't want to miss it.

better than a dozen roses

Last night at Target I was having a moment. I was just trying to get all 5 of us in and out alive, with a new shirt for Lex's school pics and some coupon freebies. My kids are usually fairly well-behaved in public. I routinely take them all to the grocery store with me and the 4 of us will walk out with smiles on our faces. This was not one of those times, though. While at the check out, Lex was begging incessantly for a yoyo ball, Abe was fiercely grabbing every pack of gum from the shelves within his reach and Tobes was SCREAMING the toothbrush song from Veggie Tales at the top of his lungs.

Then my husband did something magical. As we walked away from the cashier, he told me to go buy something for myself at Starbucks. We've been so good with our penny-pinching lately that my Starbucks habit has been replaced by the coffee machine in my kitchen. Eric knows I miss it. He loves me. And he knew I was having a moment... that was turned into a beautiful moment by my first pumpkin spice latte of the season!

Having a husband who knows me so well is way better than a dozen roses.

playing favorites

I was an only child, so I grew up knowing that I must be my mom's favorite person in the world. My mom never had to worry about her attention being spread evenly, though, or even something as simple as who got the biggest bowl of cereal that morning. Because I want my kids to know that they are EACH my favorite, I sometimes obsess over random things being even... such as the aforementioned cereal bowls.

I worry that Lex, who is such a different little person than I am or ever have been, will think that our differences mean I like her less. Do I understand her less? Sometimes. But she also has taught me more in her 8 years of life than anyone else on Earth!

I wonder if Abe will ever develop middle-child syndrome... almost enough to have a fourth child, just so no one can be the middle child. He has more of my personality than the other two seem to at this point, though, so I think we'll get along just fine.

Then I think about how Toby is the third and we sometimes fuss over him less. I already know that he probably won't break and he definitely will outgrow throwing tantrums on the kitchen floor. But I also know he'll grow out of calling cars "byes" and crinkling up his nose into a cheesy smile every morning when I walk into his room. So, as I watch him go through those little milestones for what could be my last time, I want him to know I treasure every moment.

So I have three favorites. I hope they each know that - that they are each the best kid in the world, absolutely irreplaceable, amazing & fun, and I wouldn't know what to do with out them. Some of my favorite moments are when we're all together but sometimes it's even better when I get to run an errand (or trip to Virginia...) with one of them to remind me how wonderful their little personalities are.

my mother's day prayer

While standing in line at Meijer tonight, I witnessed something that made me cry all the way to my comfy leather chair at Caribou.

A mom, a dad and their four kids were checking out. The kids all had dirty clothes and unkept hair. They all looked a little rough around the edges. I saw the mom swear at her children repeatedly, threaten her children, threaten another customer for glaring at her, mention using a pistol on her children and eventually slap one child in the face then blame him for making her slap him. She was obviously at her limit. She probably had a bad day. She might even have a bad life. But she did not need to treat those children that way. It broke my heart.

I got in the car thinking about all the things I should have said, should have done. I prayed hard for that woman to have peace, for that family to have joy, for them to have Jesus and tears came to my eyes.

It shook me up. I was on my way to Caribou with a book per my husband's instructions for me to take a pre-Mother's Day evening to relax. I thought about how I could put it all out my mind and, honestly, once I was settled in with my coffee and into my book, I did.

About a half hour later, a mom came in with her daughter. They sat at a table near me, sipping their drinks, playing cards and giggling. I was struck by the contrast between this mother and the mother I'd watched at Meijer.

It was so easy for me to go on with life and forget about the sad situation that first family probably lives in. Because I have a good life and when I'm at my limit, I have a good husband to tells me to go to Caribou with a book.

So this Mother's Day I want to strive to be like the happy mom at Caribou, but I also want to recognize that we all reach our limit sometimes. We all have bad days. I hope I don't forget about that first mother and to pray for her and I also hope to have lots of happy moments like that second mother with my kids. As mothers, we all need prayer... we need to pray and we need others praying for us.

Happy Mother's Day!